Thursday, June 11, 2015

When You Don't Get What You Want / part two

"Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride"

-MercyMe // Dear Younger Me

God's grace isn't measured by Him giving us the answers to the questions we have. And God's grace isn't measured by how smooth our lives go.

I've found myself in the mist of my troubles asking "why me?" 

But why not me?

That's not an easy pill to swallow. Why not me? How is my life so special that I couldn't be the person to have certain troubles? What did I ever do to be above having trials? There are thousands of people who have medical problems. And a lot of them are much worse off than me. And most of them don't know the Lord. I do. Yes, I have medical problems. And most of what I face is unknown. But I'm not going through it alone.

Fear is one of our biggest enemies. And you want to know who uses fear like fire beneath us? Satan.
I am the person to run from fire. Or to try and hide from it. I am the person to do everything but face it. When you look your greatest fears in the eyes you really learn about yourself. The world would say that you would see how strong you are. Or how brave you are inside. But it's really the opposite. When you look fear in the eyes you see how weak you are. You see that you can't handle the pressure, you see that the pain is too much. But if you are a Christian you also see how in the mist of all the areas where you are lacking, God is not.

We all can take our health for granted. If you are normally healthy and don't have any serious medical problems you can get stuck in the routine of thinking that sickness will never hit you. I'm not talking about the flu or the colds that everyone gets. I'm talking about the serious stuff.

Growing up I had never thought about being diagnosed with a disease/be told something serious was wrong with me. Well, let's be real. I didn't think about much else but riding my bike, school, and hanging with my friends, My world was pretty small at that point. Haha. But being seriously sick isn't something one thinks of often. You never think that it's going to be you. But for some of us, one day you wake up and it is. It didn't take me long to realize that I was a hospital kid. That I was a sick kid. I became the teenager walking into a children's hospital where everything is "happy" and there are bright colors all over. There are mini versions of everyday things. Toys and children's books. In a way I don't feel like I belong there. I feel too old to be in a hospital dressed up as a playhouse.

I've learned a lot through my experiences. One thing I've learned is how precious everyday life is. Just waking up to the birds singing. Or going on a bike ride. Helping your brother play baseball. Or just sitting by myself in my room writing this post. Sometimes my heart just aches and aches for normal. But God has chosen these things to happen to me, so they can't be all bad.

"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
-Romans 5:1-5

I'm going to remember that tribulation works patience, patience works experience, experience works hope. I have to roll those words over and over in my mind. It helps me keep looking towards Christ. 

To be continued. 


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