Friday, April 19, 2013

my glass walls are crumbling \\ An Inside My Head Post

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside 


Walls are a big subject for me. Because I build them up. A lot of them, thinking maybe if I get them tall enough, I'll never be hurt again. Wrong. My walls always just end up hurting me. 
It's probably my worst habit. Pushing people out. I do it because I hate being disappointed and I hate it more when I disappoint people. 
And if I let others inside then they'd see all of me. All my scars, all the things that make me who I am, and all the things that I think define me. They'd know that I'm a good actress. That the truth is never easy for me. But they'd also see that I want the truth. Because it's what sets me free. 
I know people use that quote all the time, not even knowing how true it is. 
Haha, how true a quote about the truth is... okay, back to the point. 

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now 

Letting my walls fall is something that God has really been teaching me. He's telling me to forget everything, everyone that hurt me, and let the healing begin. Let people inside and to love them with all my heart. But also to guard my heart and mind from evil. But not from good. 
He's teaching me to let my walls crack and crumble. And to know that with Him I'll never be alone, cuz He's my very best friend. The one that understands why I build walls, sometimes can't trust people, hide the real me, and am afraid. He gets it and loves me for me. And loves me enough to mold me to be like Him. To pour His light into my heart.

 This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

So to all my fellow wall builders, we don't have to be this way. Yes, sometimes you will be hurt and disappointed and maybe crushed. And sometimes you'll be the one hurting others and disappointing others. But pain isn't something to fear. Cuz without it you'd never learn how to fly. And I know you want to fly. You want to free and happy. Living in a peaceful, beautiful world. 
And you can have that. I found my happy place, right inside God's hand. The eye in my psycho hurricane. And if I just sit there, I find that my walls have nothing on His loving protection. 
So stop trying to be perfect, look like you have it together, just try your best and lean on God. 
Cuz, He's the only one who can set you free.
And I'm thinking to make this "inside my head post" a series maybe. Just for encouragement and sharing how God is changing my life.

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark 

-TenthAvenueNorth's Healing Begins 

2 comments:

  1. Wonderful post, Victoria. I absolutely love this song from Tenth Avenue North. I remember not fully understanding the words until I saw them in concert and singing along. That's when it hit me. Such a great reminder of the healing that can come with our Lord. Thank you for this.

    Happy Friday!

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  2. I know right! I love that song.. And God is amazing!
    Thank you!

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